I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize