My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
