We're facebook friends in real life
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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