Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize