My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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