Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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