Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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