nut hugger
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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