This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
