Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
