just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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