I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
