I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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