Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I believe in your delicious
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
