somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
