Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
