is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize