So drunk its hurt
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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