Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
