3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
