basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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