If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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