During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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