I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
