I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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