I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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