Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
