After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
