Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
