u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
