Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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