I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
