Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
