i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
