I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
