Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
