the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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