first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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