just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
