what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do vagina's smell?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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