Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
