I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
