this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
