He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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