ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
