OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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