No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
