If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
