I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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