Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
