So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
