Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
