We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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