Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
