You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have aggressive nipples.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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