I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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