He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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