Can Purell be used as lube?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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