I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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