OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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