i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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