I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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