So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
