kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
