Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
