i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
