you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
