This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
