I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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