I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
