We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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