she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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