She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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