Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my liver is dry heaving
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
