Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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