i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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