I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
