his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
