what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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