I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the raccoons are back...
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