At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
