I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
how does that bad decision feel?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize