ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
