Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He better not be in your backpack
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
