Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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