I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
