can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize