So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she pinky promised me she was 18
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
